How to be self-confident? How to have faith?

Lecture from "Shraddha: seminar for post-graduate students" as part of "Prajna, Medha, Shraddha – Value Education Programmes" by Ramakrishna Math and Mission Mangaluru Center for Excellence, September 11, 2014

Shraddha = Self-Confidence

Faith | Shraddha श्रद्धा

The old religions said, "he who did not believe in God is a nastik". But today's religion says, "he who does not believe in himself is a nastik".

― Swami Vivekananda

Swami Vivekananda is a man of religion, but he is saying it does not matter whether you believe in God or not. But never say 'I cannot', always say 'I can, I can.'

For example, in a mathematics examination with a tough problem, many students would say 'oh, it is out of syllabus. I can't do it, move on to the next problem.' And there are some who would look at the problem and they will say, 'let me try'.

I can face most challenges in life. It is possible for me to do it. If I try, I may succeed. I have solved similar problems, let me try and see whether I can do it.

(1) Self-Efficacy = "I Can Do It, Let Me Try"

Those with self-efficacy will not break down nor run away, but will try to do something when faced with challenging tasks and difficult situations in life. Those without self-efficacy, at the first sight of difficulty, 'I cannot do it'. They give up without trying.

“If you believe you can, you're right. If you believe you cannot, you are right that you cannot do it."

"Whether you think you can, or you think you can't – you're right" ― Henry Ford

It's like you have a Mercedes Benz, but if you press the accelerator and the brakes at the same time, will the vehicle will not move forward? But even if a small auto can move forward [if you let go of the brake]. You may have all the talent, resources and big noble dreams to help humanity but if you do not have self-confidence you are sabotaging yourself.

Every man should take up his own ideal and endeavour to accomplish it... Our duty is to encourage every one in his struggle to live up to his own highest ideal, and strive to make the ideal as near as possible to the truth.

(2) Self-Direction = Pursuing your own, highest goal/ideal.

If I had no goal in life, if I never tried and consciously worked towards an ideal, I have no right after 20 or 40 years to say "I am unhappy. I failed. I'm frustrated." If I had a goal, then I have the right to say if I succeeded or did not succeed.

― Swami Vivekananda, in Karma Yoga: Each is Great in His Own Place

If I ask you what should be our goal in life, I'm sure you can give me a lecture. But if I ask you, what is your own goal in life, most of you will scratch your heads "I've not taught about it". Why are you where you are? "Some people put me here." Why are you doing [what you are particularly doing right now]? "Other's are doing it."

When commuting you know which bus and route to take. When you take a cab, you tell the taxi driver "You take me by this route, I want to go there." When the driver asks you "Where are we going?", you don't ever say, "let us go on as it is going". But in your life, have you ever asked, "Where am I going?" "Why am I doing this?"

A man with an ideal may make a thousand mistakes, but a man without an ideal will make 50,000 mistakes.

If a man with an ideal makes a thousand mistakes, I am sure that the man without an ideal makes fifty thousand.
― Swami Vivekananda, in Jnana Yoga: God in Everything

Have a very high goal in life. Follow your own ideal. Listen to people and have an open mind, taking all things from society, and then ask "What pulls me?" "What do I like?" You may say many things and ask "Which one is my ideal among all these things I like?". But your own viveka/conscience will tell you which is higher.

The moment you take responsibility, it will build your self-confidence. But if you feel you are controlled by other people or external forces, you will not have self-confidence and will always be at the mercy of the world.

I. Desires
II. Work
III. Communication
IV. Behavior
V. Time
VI. Values
VII. Happinesss

7 Responsibilities as Pillars of Shraddha

(3) Self-Responsibility

When you were a baby to 7 years old, "I want this toy, papa." Papa will run around and get it for you. "I want this chocolate mommy", mommy will run around to make it and give it to you. It was parent's responsibility to satisfy your demands.

It is your responsibility to take the opportunities presented before you and satisfy your own desires and goals.

Those days are gone, you are grown up now. Asking "I want this" will not work anymore, society will not listen to you. But deep inside we have not acknowledged that we are responsible for our lives now. It is not the responsibility of family and friends, school or company, and not even the government to satisfy your desires.

I. "My desires are my responsibility"

When you were a baby to 7 years old, "I want this toy, papa." Papa will run around and get it for you. "I want this chocolate mommy", mommy will run around to make it and give it to you. It was parent's responsibility to satisfy your demands.

It is your responsibility to take the opportunities presented before you and satisfy your own desires and goals.

Those days are gone, you are grown up now. Asking "I want this" will not work anymore, society will not listen to you. But deep inside we have not acknowledged that we are responsible for our lives now. It is not the responsibility of family and friends, school or company, and not even the government to satisfy your desires.

I. "My desires are my responsibility"

It is good to get an idea but it is equally good to get it from point A to point B, that is communication.

[The delivery is as important as the message.]

In what I say and write, am I truthful, clear, kind, forceful, polite?

III. "I'm responsible for my communication"

Teachers who are not good teachers say "I taught them in the class if they didn't understand it's their foolishness. Their intelligence quotient is low, but I've taught what I wanted to teach." That's a wrong attitude for a teacher. It is your responsibility to communicate to the students.

Others are not responsible for your bad behavior.

IV. "I'm responsible for my behavior"

One boy came to meet a child psychologist. The boy was very angry and broke the refrigerator in their house. He wanted a cold drink and his mother said she will get it once the market opens. But the boy cannot wait. Psychologist asked, "Why did you do it?" Boy said, "Not my fault, she made me angry."

The difference between a great person and you? They got the same 24 hours a day you also got,

V. "My time is my responsibility"

How many hours a day do you have? You don't know. The difference is how you spend the same 24 hours. You cannot say that some other person or the internet wasted your time.

If you have values, your credit. If your values are falling short, your discredit, nobody else. Not your parents, not society. Nobody else.

VI. "My values are my responsibility"

Do I tell the truth? Am I sincere in my work? When I promise something, do I deliver? Am I punctual? Am I neat an clean? Am I self-controlled?

Even if you were forced, don't say you were forced. If I told an untruth, it is my fault. If you told the truth under the same difficult circumstances, it is your credit.

Nobody can may you unhappy unless you agree to it.

VII. "My happiness is my responsibility"

Unhappiness/[Happiness] is in your mind. No matter what society or whoever does to you, how you react to it will determine whether you will be happy or unhappy.

Footnote/Comments

[1] This does not mean to replace religious faith in God with a new religion of faith in humanity. But just that it is more difficult for a person have faith in an unseen God when he/she cannot even have trust and confidence in what's more obvious and available such as one's own person. The statement also alludes to the Advaitic teaching that Atman (Self) and Brahman (God) are identical, and so lack of faith in oneself is the same lack of faith in God. If we miss out on the greatness of our soul, our humanity, the essence of God breathed into this body, then we'd miss the way, because there is no other way. How can you know God when you do not even know yourself? Of all the manifest from the unmanifest, it is humanity that can best capture and recapitulate the essence and attributes of God. Not the human bodily form, but the essence of what it is to be human, and that is that identity in God. On a dualist note, it is being the children of God and living out that godliness.

[2] "Among the mechanisms of human agency, none is more central or pervasive than people's beliefs in their efficacy to influence events that affect their lives. This core belief is the foundation of human inspiration, motivation, performance accomplishments, and emotional well-being. Unless people believe they can produce desired effects by their actions, they have little incentive to undertake activities or to persevere in the face of dificulties. Whatever other factors serve as guides and motivators, they are rooted in the core belief that one has the power to affect changes by one's actions. This core belief operates through its impact on cognitive, motivational, affective, and decisional processes." — Albert Bandura, albertbandura.com

[3] More quotes of Swami Vivekananda on "ideal": https://vivekavani.com/swami-vivekananda-quotes-ideal/

[4] Further reading: 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden

[5] Principles of communication: [from lesson1 at DoaneX CMS-3161x: Business Communications: The Basics]

Communication is...

(1) Unavoidable Irreversible Process
We communicate no matter what we do: facial expression, posture, gesture, clothing, presence, absence, silence, leaving, communicate some meaning and our attitude.
"It is important to think of the unintentional messages that we may be sending."
We could not take back what we said but the communication does not stop there.
"So much will depend on the message that you received and how you respond."

(2) Strategic but not Panacea
- done to achieve a instrumental and relational goals aimed at accomplishing tasks and shape relationships; but it cannot solve all problems and get whatever we wanted. "It is not only the context [for instrumental goal] of your message but the presentation [for the relational goal] of your message that will help in your communication."

Learn more on communication skills at DoaneX (edX).